Fiona Campbell - Latest Blog

Is What You See Really True

02/02/2012

Last week I experienced a very interesting situation. I was in the gym and one of the fitness instructors that did not know me came over to introduce themselves and have a chat. Now I am not a young woman and definitely do not have a slim fit looking body.

The tonality that the trainer used when speaking was one I recognised that people sometimes use when speaking to children. Her voice was raised and she spoke to me as if I had no knowledge about keeping fit. She was only seeing me from the outside and did not have a clue about who I was on the inside.

What I found interesting was my reaction, even with all the training I have I still felt patronised and quite irritated at being spoken to in this way. You see for the last few years it has been my mission to get fit (not slim or skinny) I work out three to four times a week, do yoga and am the fittest I have ever been in my life.

When I imagined looking at me from the perspective of this young trainer I could see a slightly overweight middle age woman who looked as if she was in need of some training.

The point of this is that until you find out information about someone you do not know anything about them and any opinion you have about who they are you have made up in your own imagination.

How many people have you dismissed as not being good at things as they don’t look the part. In fact this is exactly what happened when Susan Boyle took to the stage before she started singing.

Over 60% of our communication is non-verbal so when you are introducing yourself to someone make sure that you use a tonality of curiosity and focus on finding out who they really are not and who you think they are.

You may just be surprised at what you find.

The Little Toe Story

17/06/2011

When I was in India recently I had a ‘light bulb’ moment that I would like to share with you. The weather was hot and humid and one of the most important things to do this type of climate is to look after your body especially your skin.

One day I noticed that I had a small cut under my little toe as I felt it stinging a bit. As this part of my body was out of sight all I did was I made sure that I washed and dried between my toes well and continued to go about my business in open shoes. A couple of days later my toe was starting to hurt more and I took the time to really see what was happening and was shocked to see how inflamed and angry the cut in my toe had become.

Just hoping that by keeping it clean it would take care of itself and heal was not working. I had to take some focused action and get antibacterial powder and sterile plasters. For the next couple of days I put focus on tending my poor little toe by giving it lots of tender loving care and attention.

I became aware of all the problems that could happen if I ended up with an infected foot and was unable to walk. In relation to my body my toe was tiny but the impact of neglecting it was huge. Then the miracle of my body’s ability to heal took over and in two days the skin had healed perfectly.

My ‘light bulb’ moment came when I asked myself where were small areas in my business that I could not see that could develop small cuts when neglected. How would I become aware of when a cut had developed and what swift action would I take to heal any cuts quickly so that they would not grow and affect the whole company.

So ask yourself how well are you looking after your ‘little toes’?

Motivational Language Skills For The True Leader

29/04/2011

It is amazing how much information we receive from others by just listing to their language.

We all create our own model of the world and have unconscious programmes running in our minds that affect how we motivate ourselves. In NLP terms these are called Meta Programmes and were first identified by the work of Bandler and Grinder along with Leslie Cameron Bandler.

Motivation comes from within and the old saying ‘you can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink’ explains this beautifully. Many people wrongly assume that everyone is motivated in the same way as them. You can suggest all sorts of things to people and if these suggestions do not fit with the way that they specifically process information nothing will happen.

The only way that we know what is going on inside someone’s mind is to listen to their language, as this is a reflection their internal state. So by listening carefully to what is being said you can identify and match, with your language, the patterns being used.

Being able to identify and match the Meta Programmes of others is a vital communication tool for anyone wanting to motivate others. Communicating in this way will help others to feel understood, valued and listened and you will be able to encourage them to become motivated in the way that is right for them.

Below I have outlined a few motivational patterns at the two extremes of the scale however most people are somewhere between the two extremes. Meta Programmes are not things they are behavioural programmes and can change depending on experience, maturity and situations. According to Michael Hall and Bob Bodenhammer in their book Figuring Out People Meta Programmes are not what people are but how they function.

Some examples of the ways people are motivated are

Towards or Away

Reactive or Proactive

Internal or External

Big Picture or Detail

People or Process

Same or Different

An example of how to match is when you notice someone speaking in very detailed language and giving you lots of information, if you respond in general terms they are going to be confused as they are not receiving the specific information they require to get things done.

By giving them more details of what is required just watch what happens.

Two great books on this subject are Words That Change Minds by Shelle Rose-Charvet and Figuring Out People by Michael Hall and Bob Bodenhammer.

Finding your Leaders

09/04/2011

There is one thing that every True Leader has in common and that is that they have made a personal commitment to lead.

This choice comes from an internal thought and is affected by that person’s beliefs and values. Their choice will have been made in various ways. Sometimes people become leaders because they have the vision of how projects can be completed, they know the steps to take to get things done. For others they make a reluctant choice to lead because they need to move away from the present situation as it s not achieving the desired outcome and no one else is stepping up to the job.

They may not know what steps to take however anything is better than what is presently happening.

As people gain knowledge, skills and experience they become confident in their ability to become a leader and may make the choice to lead based on what they already know.

Whatever way the choice to lead is made that personal will have always had a thought that says, “I can do this it can be done” It is important to understand that not everyone wants to be a leader, even when they demonstrate the qualities of a True Leader.

We are group animals and naturally look for someone to take the lead. Anyone who has been in a meeting and asks for volunteers to take charge of a project or lead an initiative will have experienced what I call the ‘invisible cloak’ syndrome. People start looking at the floor or stare at the wall as if by doing they become invisible and will not be chosen if no-one volunteers. The last thing they want is to stand up and be visible.

However we all different and not everyone responds in that way. The quickest way to find your new True Leaders is when you are with a team who are moaning about how a project is going, ask (as one of your questions) “Who wants to take over leading this project?” The person or people who rise to the challenge may not be perfect for that specific project however with professional development they could become your best leaders for the future.

Who are your leaders?

What is NLP?

15/03/2011

As a trainer of NLP for Business I often get asked to explain what NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) is.

NLP is not a thing; NLP is a methodology that identifies the different components of the way we process information through our senses to create our behaviour. In other words what we think, what we say and what we do. When we change what we think and change the language we use behaviour changes.

In other words instead of running our brains on 'auto pilot' we are consciously ‘thinking about our thinking’. NLP is the collection of techniques and skills by which this is achieved.

It is now understood that we create our behaviour by how we think. What I mean by this is that our neurology sends signals to our physiology and we create the different states by which we approach everything we do. We do this by what we see, hear and feel both in the external world and in our mind.

For example if you have to give a business presentation and you don’t like doing this your thoughts will create a physiological state that affects your breathing, your voice, your posture. You are focusing on yourself and your self-talk is running a soundtrack telling you how awful this experience is. The outcome is not a very pleasant experience for both you and your audience.

Now a lot of what you are doing is inside your mind. You may imagine a hostile audience, forgetting your subject, people laughing at you ….bla bla bla bla …(you fill in the blanks)…. However when you change the intention of the outcome by thinking about how well the presentation will go and how useful the information you are talking about is for your audience you create a more resourceful and dynamic state and create a far more powerful result.

You do this by imagining seeing yourself confidently presenting, the audience being focused on the information you are giving (stop focusing on yourself) you run motivating self-talk in a good tonality. By doing this you take yourself into a great physiological state.

By changing how you think about the situation an using different language the outcome will change.

Creating Motivation

11/03/2011

Very often when people are stuck they refer to what they want to do as a thing (noun) rather than an action (verb)

By putting ‘ing on to that word makes such a difference to how we experience that word. For example when you say “I want to create a good life for myself” what happens? Do you experience a sense of movement or does it just seem to sit there – a stuck word.

Now try this “I am creating a good life for myself” notice the difference, as there is now a sense of choice and movement. Another example is “I want love in my life “ by changing that statement to “ I focus on all the loving things I do in my life” a sense of doing or action is experienced.

Here is another example. A client will say to me “I want to be able to cope with all the changes at work” and my reply will be “I would like you to imagine all the ways that you are coping with these changes” The ‘ing’ creates a sense of movement and to make my statement have a more powerful impact for my client I have added the words ‘all the ways’ which implies lots of choices.

In words that the ‘ing’ does not fit for example happy, by changing “I want to be happy” to “I do things that bring me lots of happiness” or ‘I want more confidence in my job’ to “I do the things I know at work confidently”

This presupposes that the person has already got love /confidence in their lives and just needs to recognise that it is the actions that create the feeling of love/confidence and not that they need more of a thing called love/confidence.

If love/confidence really were things we would be able to go to ‘the love/confidence shop’ and just buy more, wouldn’t we?

Happy experimenting

Choose your 'state’ before you start anything?

10/03/2011

What I mean by this question is what ‘State’ do you go into before you start anything.

For example do you choose to go into a good ‘State’ before you walk into work or do you just not think about it and walk in the way you are feeling automatically?

‘State’ in this sense is the impact and results that what we are thinking has on our physiology. We can be in a resourceful state or an un-resourceful state before starting a task.

Our thoughts affect our physiology and energy, which in turn affects our ability to think clearly.

To experience changing your state sit down and imagine you are really tired and you have no energy, your muscles are heavy, you really don’t feel like moving – now stand up and notice how that feels.

Sit down again and this time start to feel really good you know the feeling of freedom you get just before you are ready to do something amazing like a longed for holiday, or going to hear your favourite band in concert, or meeting up with a great friend you have not seen in ages. Get that good feeling going and now stand up – notice the feeling this time.

What is the difference from the first time you stand up to the second time? Was there a change in the speed that you moved? The only thing that you were doing differently was thinking different thoughts.

So next time when you have got something important task to do you can either put yourself in a bad ‘state’ by thinking about how difficult this is and how long it will take you to finish or you can take yourself into a good state before you start it, get excited at the thought of getting it finished easily and getting on with the next thing.

The great thing is the choice is yours!

Choose wisely the questions you ask yourself

03/03/2011

Have you ever wondered how we answer the questions that we ask yourself in our own head?

Our brain is a very precise machine and is compelled to give you an answer to whatever you ask.

Try it out: Ask yourself why you are rubbish at doing ………….? (You fill in the blanks) Listen to the answer that you get back in your head.

Now think of the same thing and this time ask yourself how you can do ……… better?

What answer do you get this time? Cool isn’t it

So next time you have something that you are struggling with make sure you ask yourself the right question that will give you the solution to get you back in the flow.

Enjoy taking control of your thinking

Think about your thinking

03/03/2011

Are you attracting into your life the things that you are thinking about?

Very often when things are not going they way you want them to go its because you are thinking about all the things you don’t want.

For example if I say I don’t want you to think of pink cows what happens. When in the past have you ever thought about pink cows before I mentioned them? Probably never – the way our brain works is that we focus on what we are thinking about.

If you tell yourself “I don’t want to my life to be a mess” guess what, your mind will focus on every part of your life that is a mess.

I want you to imagine typing into a computer “I don’t want to write this sentence” would the sentence appear on the screen? Of course it would, there is not a programme on your computer that decides to delete the things you don’t want to type. As long as you input the information it will appear on the screen.

To change what is on the screen you have to delete the sentence you don’t want to write and replace it with the one you do want.

To do this in your own mind when you find yourself thinking about what you don’t want, say the words STOP or CANCEL (in your head if need be) and very quickly change your thoughts to what you do want.

Be specific and keep things simple, focus on one thing at a time. If your life is a mess you can think "I will redo my CV", "I tidy the kitchen", "I clear out the clothes I don’t need", or "I make an appointment to talk to someone about this".

By focusing on the steps that will change your situation you your mind will attract what you need to move forward.

At first you may have to do this many time a day as we have thousands of thoughts a day however the more you do this the easier it will be.

Try it you may be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Gain more time in your life

03/03/2011

How often do you find yourself too busy to get finished everything you want to do?

There seems to be not enough time in the day for what you want to do and you feel overwhelmed. You spend all your time trying to catch up. The next time you start to notice this is happening STOP and listen to what you are saying to yourself.

My guess is that you are saying “I don’t have enough time” or “there are not enough hours in the day” or “I will never get all this done”. Whatever you are saying it will be something about not having enough time. Well you are absolutley right. Your mind is creating the reality of a shortage of time.

Our brains don’t understand the concept of time, our bodies react to an internal clock that is driven by light and darkness however our minds have the ability to expand and contract time.

Have you ever been in a meeting and it feels as if time had stood still? You keep looking at the clock and it never seems to move. Then there are other times when you notice the time and say “ How can it be that time already?” When this happens it is as if time is flying by faster than you can believe possible.

So here is a wee trick for you to use when you are next aware of having no time, stop, take a deep breath and tell yourself “I have all the time in the world to get whatever I have to do done within the time I have”.

For example if you have an hour to finish a report you say “I have all the time in the world within the next hour to get this report finished easily and effortlessly”

Try it out and think of all the wonderful things you are going to do for yourself with all the extra time you create and feel free to let me know how you get on

It’s ok to stop and do nothing

03/03/2011

Very often in this world where so many people are talking about what they want to achieve and are busy setting goals we can forget that it is all right to stop and do nothing.

If you are having difficulty making a decision about something maybe the best thing to do is not make that a conscious decision at this time.

We don’t always have to be charging ahead and filling our minds with constant busy thoughts. Some of the best decisions people make is when they make space in their mind to allow lots of choices to develop.

It can be magical as you wait for all the choices to appear, in fact often you may get choices that you would never have thought about had you rushed your natural creative process.

So if you are struggling to make a decision, say to yourself “I will pass this over to the creative part of my mind for it to come up with the perfect solution in the perfect time” then just let that thought go.

You will know when the right decision jumps into your mind. While that is all going on at the automatic level of your mind you can breathe, chill and tell yourself “Life is good”

Feel free to let me know how this works for you

See it, live it

26/02/2011

When you think about something you want to achieve do you see yourself doing this in action.

What I mean by this is do you imagine yourself in the situation as if it is actually happening seeing things through your eyes, hearing and feeling the events as if they are real?

Is there a sense of movement, a sense of excitement and a buzz about living in that way that you can really feel in your body?

Our mind does not understand the difference between something that is imagined and something that is real.

Choose an event that you have experienced in your life when you felt wonderful. Not that one an even better one. Close your eyes and really go back and experience that time as if you are there.

Notice how your body feels, what you can see and hear. Think about it our language describes how we do this as we say things like “I was transported back in time” “I remember this as if it was yesterday” “I just have to think about it and it is if I am there.”

When we have this wonderful creative ability why is it that so many of us when we are thinking about the goals we want to achieve disassociate from the experience. We list the things we want as if it happening to someone else.

We imagine all these wonderful things that are going to happen and forget to add ourselves into the experience. We become very matter of fact and remove all the feelings of determination and satisfaction that we will experience getting there. It is no wonder that people give up at the first hurdle.

When you immerse yourself in the total experience of where you want to be something magical happens. A momentum gathers that propels you and you start to notice opportunities that will take you in the direction you have set.

So today take time to really think about what you want and how it will be both when you have achieved this and all the steps to get there. Make the experience rich with sounds, colours, movement and feelings.

Happy traveling!

Are you listening?

26/02/2011

You must have heard of the three ladies in their golden years, and their conversation while hanging out on a park bench on a balmy, breezy afternoon. Martha: “It’s windy!”. Cynthia: “No, it’s Thursday!” Rose: “Me too! Let’s go get a drink!”

Martha, Cynthia and Rose had a valid reason in their aging ears for not quite understanding one another. But what about those of us whose hearing is working perfectly well? Are we hearing what is being communicated? Are we really, truly listening?

To truly listen, you need more than working auditory biological equipment. You need to be prepared to hear. You need to be able shut down your interpretation engine, your assumptions appliance, your denial device, and your very own all-important agenda.

We have an innate urge to categorize what we hear so we can better deal with it. We need to somehow solve any perceived problem we hear. We pick out those meanings that best fit our own experience, wants and needs.

We will hear that which suit us to hear. When you turn off the busy translation services that stop us from really listening, you will find an incredibly rewarding new world. You will discover the warm wave of gratitude that will be flowing your way from he who feels heard and acknowledged.

You will stare in amazement at what you may discover about someone you thought you knew really well. You will feel the freedom that comes from listening without worrying about how it may affect you, or what you might have to respond with.

For once, it is not about you. Listening is not about you. So when you go home today, or return to the office after the weekend, practice really listening. Really, truly listening without the comfort of your friendly, busy, ever-protective inner translators.

Turn off the automatic pilot. Ask your child about his day, and listen to the unspoken words. Hear the excitement, the frustration, the joy of being a kid. Call someone who loves you, and let her be the focus. Hear the sounds of her world without coming up with a matching anecdote.

Listen to that funny colleague’s jokes. Hear the underlying exhaustion of constantly having to use humour to overcome acute shyness. In his acceptance speech, Barack Obama famously said: “I will listen to you, especially when we disagree”.

It is as difficult as it is powerful. Learn to listen. In this day and age of the split-second attention span, it is one the best gifts you could give yourself and those who matter to you.

Courtesy of Naima - http://thirdcultureunleashed.com/

Put You Plan into Action

24/02/2011

Achieving goals is not about choosing what goal you want and then just writing it down.

It is about using your imagination to see how you look, create the feeling of how this feels and hear how you sound in this new situation as if it is actually happening. It is about knowing the date in the future when this is happening.

It is about feeling good in this new situation. It is about taking action every day towards your goal. It is about being flexible and making the necessary adjustments to keep going. It is about thinking every morning who do I have to be today to achieve my goal.

For example: If you are 70 kilos and want to lose 10 kilos Just writing down I want to loose 10 Kilos and waiting for things to happen is not enough.

However you will be amazed at the number of people who do this When you write down: It is the 10th October 2012. I am 60 kilos and look fantastic and wear great clothes, I feel healthy, flexible, fit and light. I am really confident when speaking in front of people I don’t know.

So what action will you take today to set this process in motion? So what action will you take tomorrow, and the next day and the next?

Should you get a new job?

24/02/2011

I was thinking the other day about some of the people I have worked with over the years who have not been able to move forward with their lives.

This set me wondering as to what all these different people who were stuck in different life situations were doing that was common to them all. I noticed than in almost every situation they were not 100% clear and sure about what they wanted to achieve.

Some would talk about all the things they did not want to do while others would come up with lots of different choices of where they wanted to go. In all cases they did not have a clear vision of what they wanted in the new situation.

So when you set your goals take the time to clearly identify what specifically you want to achieve. For example. If your goal is to get a new job ask yourself: What specific job do I want? How will this new job benefit my life? What do I have to do differently in this job that I am not already doing? How will doing this job affect the way others see me?

When you are sure this is the job for you imagine yourself as if you are already doing it. How do you dress? How do you sound? How to you communicate with others? How much responsibility do you take for your results? Start to behave now as if you are already doing this and every day take the time to imagine how you look, feel and sound when you are in this job.

When you are absolutely sure this is what you want then it is time to take action. Update your CV highlighting the specific skills you have for this new job and start applying for this type of job with a total sense of clarity of knowing this is what you want to do.

Enjoy!